My First Semester // Second Year

I'm going to start on a major cliche here; the first semester of my second year has been a roller coaster.  It's been a tough one and I can't really sugarcoat that.

I started the second year of FCP on an okay note, because I didn't do too bad last year and I wanted to push myself to do even better this year. But it didn't completely turn out as planned, because I did almost drop out half way through. I can't pinpoint the exact problem, the spark just hasn't been there and I haven't felt engaged or connected to it.

Difficulties with my accommodation and my mental health have definitely made this term harder too.

I don't want this post to portray me as a massive Debbie Downer, but I do want to touch on the topic of depression. I've always had anxiety, but depression was something I was hesitant to label myself with. But about half way through the term my doctor concluded that my situation did fall under depression.

My experience with getting help this term has been shit. The whole experience has shown me how shocking the mental health situation in this country really is. Over the course of the term I'd tried to contact so many people about my situation and for the majority of the semester I felt like I was going around in circles, and it's hard to see positively when people are just ignoring you. I did eventually manage to see a member of the student services team though (the day before the end of term but we'll let that slide) and they were so helpful, so hopefully I can get back to my old self again.

I said I didn't want to be a Debbie Downer, and to be honest it wasn't all complete doom and gloom. There have been some really good moments throughout this semester.

I have made some really good friends this term, and it's strange to think that if I didn't go on the trip to London, and I almost didn't, I wouldn't have met the girls that I connect with so well. I've put a deposit on a house with some of them too! The house is really cosy, super close to uni, and I might actually have some student finance left over, finally!

You could probably say that in terms of FCP, I came full circle this semester. Despite not enjoying the majority of it, I started on a good note and I ended on a good note too. I feel like I've had a light bulb moment in the last few weeks. I'd hit a brick wall with my work but now I think I'm moving forward with it. Our group also won the competition for the COW Nottingham project. You can see my post on it here, but I can now say that we were chosen to install our idea as an actual window display for them in February!

So here's to a fresh start in 2018!

Georgia.xo

It's Okay

I think that mental health is one of those topics, which people are slowly becoming more and more aware of - World Mental Health day is a thing and thank god for it. It enables people around the world to stand up and admit that they too have their demons. And in an age where we practically survive on social media by depicting ourselves in the best way possible, it's encouraging to know that you're not the only one who has to deal with mental health problems. But what about every other day of the year when it does feel like you're the only one? Unfortunately there is still a stigma around it. 

I am definitely someone who can put my hand up and say that I have my issues with mental health. Every now and then my anxieties do get the better of me and it does set me back.

Like the past few days, for instance. I'm in a situation where I feel like I've come to terms with the fact that uni isn't particularly "for me". Last year I was so excited about my course, but now I'm just not engaged at all. I know that if I quit I'll regret it; I don't want to change course because I'm not 100% sure about what I want to actually do, but I also don't want to take a break for a year because I won't be able to save up enough money in a year to go travelling or do anything worthy of a break. It's conflicting, and it's messing with my head.

Therefore, every now and then I need to take a step back and have what I call a mental health day. After I've had my breakdown, I'll take the day off. I don't sit in bed all day wallowing about how shit life is, I just clean my room, or go to the gym, or watch a film or two, and I try to talk to someone. It gives me the chance to recharge my batteries and get it out of my system.

And don't worry about letting people down. It can be hard when you think that your peers, whether that be your boss, lecturers or friends, won't understand, but honestly people are way more understanding than you realise. You just have to be honest. Today, I thought that I was letting my group at uni down, but they've been amazing.

If we don't give ourselves the time to recuperate it's just a downwards spiral. A snowball effect and before you know it too much damage is done.

Just remember it's okay.

Georgia.xo